sad sad world...

I hate when I feel pretty satisfied with life, then someone ends up bringing it down. Although it may not be his/her intention to make me feel this way, it just so happens that it does.

Its absolutely amazing how peoples thoughts, actions, and emotions can completely change your mood in less than seconds. Why is that? As much as I try to surround myself with positive energy, its inevitable to reach that state of peace. Someone will always be dissatisfied. Someone will always effect someones mood in a negative fashion.

Maybe no one can truly be satisfied in this world. I know this sounds very pessimistic, but we do live in a world full of so much remorse, hate, and selfishness.

Damn negative energy...

Just Thinking

Home doesn't feel like home. Why do I even call it home? Because it was once my home. Home use to be a place of privacy. It use to be a place where I felt extremely safe. It use to be a place where hot healthy meals were cooked. It use to be a place where I could walk around in my towel. It use to be a place where I could walk into any room without feeling uncomfortable. It use to be a place that was tidy clean and smelled good. It use to be a place that was beautiful. It use to be a place of love.
What is it now?
Its a place where I encounter random strangers come in and out. Its now a place where I lock my door every night. Its now a place where I never ever eat meals at. Its now a place where I have to conspicuously walk into my room with a towel on. Its now a place where I feel awkward when going into other rooms. Its now a place that smells like nasty cooked oily food. I consider it as fake, fucked up, and utterly ugly home.
I can't wait until I move into my new apartment in San Jose.

I think I'm finally over my mothers death. I've never felt in peace until now. I do get emotional but not as bad as before. =) I've excepted it. It took over six years and I am finally in peace.

Its crazy how three and a half years went so fast. I did it for a change, yet, is this change for the good? I constantly contemplate whether or not I did the right thing. I miss him, or do I miss having the attention or perhaps, the company? Time will tell, and I still have to keep fighting my urges(damnit). But damn, I don't think I've felt this lonely in a while. Yes, I go out. Yes, I am keeping myself busy. Yes, I still have fun. But something is missing.

Infatuation is the best feeling in the world. Its what drives me to my high. Infatuation... I wish I could stay in the stage. No problems, only unlimited love.


MUSIC: California Dreaming- Mamas and the Papas

Lies

So I always say how I'd start updating my blog more frequently. Sorry, its been lies ( as you can see, haha) and i'm too lazy to put up pictures. Boring, I know. But just imagine.

Whats been up? I don't know. Its summer! Crystal, Jenny, and I found a potential place to live in SJ. We just need to get all the papers in!! I'm so excited!!

I'm working at Sushi Boat for the summer with evil Korean ladies XD.

Down to some deep shit..not really, haha.

Whats up?

So, I started my day waking up at 8am. I had this crazy dream about shrooms, the sky , the sun, and Crystal Kwong. I find it weird how I can dream of how its like being on shrooms when i've never tried it before. Going on, I headed to SJSU to speak to an advisor then went to Pho Queen with Matty. After we chilled, then I went to Joe's house for a mini bbq. It was sooo super hot, I wish we could have swam.

I ended going back to Union City and hang out with Anthony. We chilled, we burned, we did whatever. I rolled by 3rd blunt ever! haha
(picture soon)

After a while, we ended up going to BJ's with Anthony, Crystal, Monz, Van, Homeboy, Shaun, and Jon. We drank and ate. Went to Alan's, played darts, then found ourselves playing with a whole bunch of water balloons at 2 am. I got a little wet.

and yeah

So im currently at anthony's house. yee

I'm feeling good right now

Of the words of Michael Buble, " birds flying high, you know how I feel. Sun in the sky, you know how I feel. Breeze driftin' on by, you know how I feel. Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life.. for me. And I'm feeling good."

Yeaaah I'm feeling good today =)

Under a happy note... I am finally done with school! now.. what to do?

Touched...

In CVB lies 3 rooms. One, consisting of a piano, the second, twice as big as the one mentioned before, and the other I do not ever go in.

So I went into the big room next to the room with the piano. I hear a guy walk into the room right next to the one I was in and he begins playing the piano. No words can express how I felt as he played but I will try to explain.

Each note that he played was no imitation of a song that I have ever heard. Each note was his own creation. Each note was his voice. I felt his sorrow, his pain but yet a sense of peace. Does this sound weird? It touched me so much. He ended up leaving and left me feeling memorized; speechless.

It made me think over my whole entire life. The loses that I have encountered, the pain and sorrow that I have gone through. It made me think about my mother. It made me think of love. It made me think of complete enlightenment.

Am I happy? What makes me happy? What is my mission? How can I overcome all of these obstacles that I am currently facing?

I don't really know. Although, this experience has changed my views of life.

Brotherhood

So this is why most of you have not seen me for awhile.

carena, wesley, stephen and i


more bros

Anthony's Pre- Valentine Get togther

As everyone was getting together,


I was in anthonys room watching coyote ugly

They were all setting up a game

People got really drunk lol

And punched a hole in anthonys wall lol


Then monz played beautiful music


THE END

Man...

I can't help but feel crappy about what i cooked.. I failed horribly! IM SO SAD! It took me AN HOUR to cook that crappy ass meal.. My stomach hurts.. I hope I don't throw up lol!

I failed at cooking..

Man.. IM SO HUNGRY!!! I tried to cook.. but i unfortunately failed...



It doesn't look so bad but it taste like SHIT! Except for the sweet potatoe, that was good.. lol..

SJSU living conditions

For the most part, I stay in my room eating, studying, surfing the web, etc.




My room..


bed and desk



desk.. haha


food source


living room/dining room


the sink




and my nice view lol...

This is kinda cute...

So I guess I've conformed to blog life?