Unannounced

"Remember that life's most treasured moments often come unannounced."

I'd have to agree. Its those spontaneous moments that are always fun. I love placing myself in very uncomfortable social situations and; for some reason, it always turns out great.

Recently, I have been living life with so much worry and criticism. How I view it… I sometimes forget to factor in fun. With every ongoing day that life presents to us, comes more responsibility. It becomes more complicated and that’s the most frustrating part about it. I feel like there is something always bothering me. I am not as amused by the most simplest of things. Everything seems to worry me. This is why I miss being a kid; life was so easy, so simple, and so ambiguous... However, I do have a lot to learn still. Life still presents itself with its unsolved mysteries…

I feel like I lost a lot of motivation this semester. Life isn’t as fun, there seems to be a lot of tension, and people seem to be way more critical.
I question what I am working for. Is it for me, or is it to please those around me? Must I be a puppet to their expectations? Or should I just let go, and not care at all? If I do disregard social criticism or just people in general, would I be able to survive this world?

There are so many unwritten rules that bound us. What we really want to do, we are held back to do. We are all interconnected in the sense that we are huge influencers on each other’s lives. Which is why we can’t simply disregard what people think, and which is why we are somewhat puppets to each other’s expectations.
I like to let go, and do whatever the hell I want to do. But sadly, my actions are always altered.

Thinking things through rambles that are totally contradictory and may not make sense...
Maybe this is what has been bothering me. The fact that I cannot freely do whatever I want to do. That I always have to rethink my actions because it can hurt or bother someone else. Are we free to do whatever we want to do? Yes, however, it is for those who surround us that will make us change our paths.

I think those who are critical of you are bothered only because they are insecure and envy your actions. Internally, they want to do the same things but are so bounded by what others think as well. Maybe thats why I've been so unmotivated and critical. I am insecure. I am insecure of what other people think because how you're socially presented, will lead you to a life of success...but what is success to you? Is it just getting a college education and making lots of money? How can we measure it for ourselves? Well... Getting a good job and making lots of money is success measured through the eyes of everyone else. Does that really matter to you though? Why am I striving to get a huge corporate job? Is it really for myself? I think its to please everyone. To show everyone that I have some value... And thats where the insecurities come from... Haha... I dont know....